Parenting isn’t one-size-fits-all. Every family is different, and what works for one might not work for another. Today, parents are figuring out how to juggle different parenting styles to find a balance that fits their family’s needs. Whether you’re looking for structure, discipline, or flexibility, it’s all about creating a home where both children and parents feel connected and supported.
In this article, we’ll dive into the four main parenting styles, talk about some of the strengths and challenges of these styles, as well as provide tips for new or soon-to-be parents on finding a good balance between all the elements of parenting in today’s world.
Understanding Parenting Styles
Parenting styles fall on a spectrum between being super controlling and totally relaxed. Below are the four main styles you might come across.
Authoritative Parenting
This is all about finding a good balance. Parents are supportive, nurturing, and have clear expectations. There’s a mix of warmth and structure, with rules in place, but also room for children to voice their thoughts. Although it can take a lot of time and energy to keep up with this style, especially when life gets busy, it is very rewarding for both parents and children, with children raised this way normally becoming more confident, socially skilled, and successful in school.
Authoritarian Parenting
There are strict rules with little room for negotiation. It’s about obedience above all else. Children usually follow the rules well, and it can bring structure to the household. However, this style can make children feel restricted, and it may impact their self-esteem and ability to think for themselves.
Permissive Parenting
Permissive parents are lenient and tend to avoid setting strict rules. They’re more likely to give in to children’s demands, believing that children will learn from their experiences. Children will get lots of freedom to express themselves; however, without enough structure, children may struggle with boundaries and discipline, which could lead to behaviour problems.
Uninvolved (or Neglectful) Parenting
Uninvolved parents are often disengaged or distant. They provide the basic needs for the child but don’t offer much guidance or emotional support. This isn’t always an intentional choice for a parent but can be due to the family situation e.g. a single parent, working hours e.g. night shifts, financial hardships, and so on. Children will have a lot of independence, which could potentially be a good thing; however, for the most part, this style of parenting, due to lack of parental support and guidance, can sometimes lead to emotional and behavioural issues.
Finding the Right Balance: Structure, Discipline, and Flexibility
Out of the styles above, authoritative is a very popular choice for parents and usually seen to be the style to strive for given its balance of flexibility, warmth, and structure. Below we have provided some tips for finding and maintaining that sweet spot between being firm, being flexible, and keeping your family connected.
Set Clear Expectations, but Be Flexible
Having rules and routines helps children feel secure. But, sometimes life doesn’t go according to plan. If your child has a special event or a tough day, it’s okay to adjust the rules a little bit. Flexibility is key! For example, bedtime might be the same most nights, but if it’s a weekend or a special occasion, you can let them stay up a little later.
Use Positive Discipline
Positive discipline is about guiding your child to understand why certain behaviours are okay and others are not. Instead of just saying “no,” explain the situation and offer alternatives. It helps children learn rather than just following rules out of fear. For example, if your child is throwing a tantrum in the store, instead of just punishing them, try calmly explaining why the behaviour is unacceptable and suggest a better way to express their feelings.
Keep the Lines of Communication Open
Communication is everything when it comes to family life. If your child feels they can talk to you about anything, it strengthens your bond. It’s important to listen to their side of the story, even if they’re acting out. For example, ask questions like, “What made you upset?” or “How did that make you feel?” to help them open up. Listening helps you understand their perspective and make adjustments where needed.
Lead by Example
Children learn a lot by watching you. If you model positive behaviour, they’ll be more likely to follow suit. Show them how to manage emotions, solve problems, and treat others with respect. For example, if you’re frustrated, try staying calm (we know it’s not always that easy!) and showing them how to handle stress in a healthy way.
Be Willing to Adapt
Parenting isn’t static. What works today might not work tomorrow. As your children grow, their needs will change. Be flexible in your approach and adjust your parenting style as your family evolves, particularly when you have children with larger age gaps between them. For example, your toddler may need a more structured routine, while your teenager might need more independence and freedom to make their own decisions.
Balance Together Time and Independence
Both connection and independence are important. Encourage your children to make decisions, solve problems, and take responsibility, but also make sure you’re spending quality time together. It’s all about striking a healthy balance. For example, let them choose their clothes or pick out what to eat for dinner, but also maintain family time, like eating meals together and doing fun activities.
Creating a Healthy Family Dynamic
Parenting today isn’t about sticking strictly to one style or another. It’s about blending what works for your family and adjusting as you go. The goal is to create a home where everyone feels supported, understood, and respected. As long as you’re open, flexible, and committed to keeping the lines of communication open, you’re on the right track.
Remember, there’s no perfect way to parent. Some days will be better than others, and that’s okay! By mixing structure, discipline, and flexibility in a way that fits your family, you’ll create a supportive and balanced environment for everyone—a nurturing environment where both children and parents can thrive. And that’s what really matters in the end.
